I have known for some time that overcoming sexual sin would only lead to finding other areas of my life that need to be addressed in a spiritual manner.  Anger is one of those areas and while I am not going to try and analyze the origins and map out the progression right now, I am going to take a familiar strategy in dealing with it.

I don’t think anger and sexual sin are very far removed from each other in my case.  Yes, I have been successful in attaining sexual purity, but I feel the anger is closely related and possibly springs from the same issues and area as my sexual misdeeds.  The only way for me to battle anger is to apply what I have learned through dealing with sexual sin.

My first initiative was to look for resources on anger and find out where it originates from and how it springs forth in everyday life.  The next was to talk about my issue with the men’s group I attend and get some real life input from other men I trust.  The realization is that I need to be journaling again and I need to seek out God and His word.  Finally I need to initiate a 40 day offering such as the purity offering I worked so diligently on before.  It now becomes my offering of anger purity.

As I seek out scripture on this issue and take on the daily task of battling the temptation of anger I hope to find peace, freedom, and a better understanding of this sin.  I hope to heal the emotional scars I have left behind on my children, wife, and myself.  Freedom from one sin only allows me to work on the next, and without moving forward I will only flail about, drowning, in whatever ocean I happen to be in.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”- Psalm 139:13-14

I have lost sight of the one true hope and the one true Father that can deliver me of my sin.  In this, I fail to see the wonderful people, family, and blessings that are all around me.  I fail to see how wonderful I am and the incredible impact I can have.  God is wonderful and through my selfishness and independent nature I have lost sight of Him.  I have in essence turned away from all the greatness that He is and determined that my success is of my own making.  I have given over to the thought that I am in control, and I then try to control everything around me.

I have set myself up for failure in my naive ungodly thinking, and it is only through my relationship with God that I can find true happiness, peace, and eternal life.  Praise be to God for He is wonderful and through Him I am wonderfully made.

For many out there who are dealing with sexual sin, divorce may seem like a very tempting alternative to the ensuing marital struggle within ones life.  It seems like an alternative that will solve many of the issues being faced, but that line of thinking completely plays into the lie that is being lived.  That lie consists of the belief that with divorce will come freedom and that chance to start over in a new relationship void of the strain and issues that are currently present.  Indeed that is a lie, and that is the lie that feeds on the sinful nature of sexual promiscuity.

I am speaking strictly to men here and specifically those that have made a mess of their family through their own choice to be sexually stupid.  I may be naive and inexperienced in my walk with Christ but I realize giving refuge to the lie of divorce only further destroys your family.  The anguish that might already be present due to actions of sexual stupidity is only multiplied by the foolish thought that anything will be solved through divorce.

For those that are considering divorce I think it is imperative that you listen the the pain and heartache demonstrated in the interview posted today at familylife.com.

This interview should tear at any ones heart who is contemplating divorce in the face of sexual acting out.  While it may not be implicitly stated in the interview what events lead to divorce, it certainly leaves little to the imagination of the intense distress, sorrow, and despair faced by ones wife.

The bebroken.com website has long been a great resource for me.  There is not a week that goes by where I miss the podcast.  While browsing through the resources listed there I came across Steve’s guide to reclaiming purity, 10 Essential Steps.  This is a short pamphlet pdf that gives 10 steps to moving toward purity.

The guide gives straightforward points to help simplify the overwhelming process of overcoming sexual addiction.  The most intimidating aspect is to know where to start and what strategies will help you sustain a healthy lifestyle free of sexual acting out.  I feel the steps provide an effective and simple plan that will help you get started in your journey.

1 John 4:11-12

11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

As I move forward with my purity offering to God I will be using the daily scripture from Biblegateway.com.   This will require a good deal of commitment on my part, but there are many areas of my life that need to be tweaked to bring my attitude and outlook more in line with the standards that God has set for us.

With all the views on love the one that most strikes me is that love is not an emotion, but a decision…a decision to put others above our self, by setting aside selfishness and focusing on serving.  God has shown his love for us through the sacrifice of his son for our sins.  The challenge before us is to personify this love through our interaction with others.  This can best be demonstrated by acting in a servant manner, the same love Christ demonstrated to us through his actions.

Have you seen Fireproof?  How about the 40 Day Love Dare, have you heard of that?  A bit of searching and a lucky link took me to FamilyLife.com where you can find some additional information and their challenge on the 40 Day Love Dare.  You can then register to take part in the challenge.

The Love Dare will help you make the jump from just being pure to taking action in repairing or improving your marriage.

One of the underlying themes of sexual addiction is the ability to blame your spouse for all the problems and issues within your relationship.  The downward spiral of finger pointing and blame leads only to a dead end, where one ponders how they got there.  So often the true abuser has no perception of reality, especially those dealing with sexual addictions.

For a vivid look at the pain, destruction, torment, and eventuality of sexual promiscuity follow this link and read the comments at the end of the article.  If you feel like reading the article fine, but it is the emotion and pain personified in the comments that is so eye opening.

I had an interesting conversation last night on salvation.  One of the real struggles with sexual sin and maintaining a purity standard is the issue of salvation in death.  Needless to say it can be very difficult to break the cycle of sexual addiction and maintain a perfect sexual purity life.  This can make for a very confusing and overwhelming topic for an individual recovering and seeking a relationship with God.

The intimidating reality for most is that repeating the sin only confirms their unworthiness and ultimate separation from God.  This belief is only fueled by legalist attitudes and those who prescribe to the “works” mentality that can be so pervasive in church and Christian circles.  “Am I saved?  How can I be a son of God? What if I died today?” are some of the questions that flood the thoughts of those that are battling sexual addiction.

The opinions on this can be all over the map.   I would like to hear from you on this topic, by providing your thoughts in the comments section below.

If you have spent much time at all reading and studying the issue of sex addiction and pornography you most likely have come across the linked interview with Ted Bundy conducted by Dr. James Dobson.  If you have not seen or read the interview it is eye opening information on the topic of pornography and sexual acting out.

I am not naive enough to claim this is the fate of everyone involved in sexual addiction (fill in your own terminology), but it is a vivid example of how behavior can escalate to unanticipated proportions within ones life.

I had this thought that many individuals get enticed into “affairs” not only for the excitement and rush, but also the “joy” that they feel.  I first want to explain affairs as a term meaning any kind of inappropriate relationship or activity outside marriage, or the knowledge of your partner.  This could be a physical relationship, sexually acting out, or an emotional affair such as chat and email correspondence.

In many cases there is the joy of being known or at least the perception of being known by someone.  There is the “connection” with another person and the feeling that you are able to “be yourself”.  There is the excitement of sexual activities that can be perceived as bringing happiness to a boring life.  If you are caught up in these scenarios or have been stop and think for a minute how much happiness and joy they actually brought to you.

Was there really any true joy?  Doesn’t one have to reject their spouse and turn them into a villain in order to justify these actions?  There is a great deal of torment, secrecy, deception, denial, and betrayal, which can not be associated with joy.  This seems like the true trap of affairs!  One seeks joy by foregoing their true relationship, and in that betrayal they are conned into believing they will find joy.  In actuality they have made for themselves a life completely devoid of any true joy, choosing instead to live on adrenaline and constant suspicion as they seek to cover up their secrets with lies and anger.

Yes, I am not fully recognizing all the various components involved in the affair, and the process leading up to that point, but I feel an overwhelming stronghold is the belief that one will experience joy in their newly found sin.  I come back to the questions then, how much joy have you found in your affair?

I suspect none.

It is always with some hesitance that I pose links to sites that I have not fully explored, but as I came across this site today Healing for the Soul I decided it was important enough to post anyway.  It is a site you may already know about, but if not it appears to contain a great deal of information on the struggle for sexual purity.  I was also pleasantly surprised to see they have a podcast listed under their “media” link, which is always of interest to me.  I have not yet listened to any of the shows, put I am about to subscribe and start listening here shortly.

Tackling the tough issues of masturbation, pornography, sex addiction, and same sex attraction can be difficult and controversial so I am hoping it will be yet another great resource for better understanding and healing within my life.  If you have visited the site before or have feedback regarding the site please leave a comment below.

To subscribe to the podcast click on the “Radio Show” link from the “media” menu and then look for “Listen to archived episodes in MP3 format”